Walk with Me

Breaking someone's heart means breaking your own. I've hurt a lot of people in the past couple of months. Some intentionally, some not. Well, looking back, I've actually hurt a lot of people. Most of them are those who deeply cared for me. Probably still do. I have no explanation for what I've done. I never do, but it is what I do best. I push people away. I draw a line between every relationships I have. I put a big high wall between people and myself. I never want them to see the real me, and I have no idea why I've developed such habit.

I didn't run away from people, because I wanted to be found. I ran, because I want to be alone. At the sight of things getting comfortable, I freak out. I got scared. I got attached to people very easily, and that thought simply scares the living shit out of me. I know for sure, nothing lasts forever and that idea is just too scary to wait and find out naturally. So, before it ends, I end it myself. I never expect people to come look for me. I don't want to be found. But I never wanted to hurt them as well.

Forgive me for being the way that I am now. I promise to cherish every little moments that we've had together. I promise to always remember the wonderfulness of the friendship you've given me. I promise that I will miss everyone that I've left behind intentionally or not. The memories, each and every little one of it will always be in my heart. I'm sorry I could've been a better friend, daughter and person. I know I could have, but I chose not to. I have my own reason for that.

You were right, tho. I have this big block in my heart, that I have yet to figure it out. I've been building my life around it, and I don't know how to not live with it. I don't know how to get it out of me, but I do hope that someday I'll be able to. Someday I'll be able to stay at one place, and not run away from anyone ever again. Someday, I won't slip through anyone's fingers anymore. Someday.